Heartless Revamp Step 1 : Read Through ~ DONE ~

So I did it. I read Heartless cover-to-cover. And with no tears shed, though I think that had everything to do with my determination not to shed a tear. Funny how when you read a book objectively, emotion takes a backseat, and the whole reading experience is far less enjoyable.

Before you read further, please be assured that I value each and every one of my fans, followers, and readers. I love that you love this book and love the other things I write. Please do not take what I am about to say as an insult to you or your opinion. I am in no way denigrating your views on this work. As is often the case with authors, we are our own worst critics. This can be a good thing.  

My thoughts? Needs a little work. The issues:

• I think the prologue gives too much away right up front, taking away from the natural question as to WHY the hero acts the way he does. 
• I think the passive voice is a tad overdone. 
• There are words and phrases that weren't used at the time. For example, Hart mentions he's "working with a deadline." The word DEADLINE didn't come into use until the American Civil War and it referred to the "do-not-cross" line in war prisons. Deadline in the sense of a "time limit" was newspaper jargon that came into use in the early 1920s. Then there's the use of handicapped in reference to people with disabilities. Yeah, the word existed then but not in that sense. There were a few more but I think I made my point. 
• There is an excessive amount of characters. Servants, family members, friends, all named and given a few lines each. Sheesh.

I think these flaws are easily overlooked in the natural draw to the main characters. I totally agree that I CAN write characters. Dang.

Possible "fixes":

• Prologue: Do I really want readers to forgive Hart for everything before they actually get to know him? I don't think I do. I think I want them to start out hating him a little, getting to know him as the story goes on, and then realizing he's severely warped for good reason. 
• Passive voice: This is one of those "little changes" I mentioned in a previous post. Some sentences will get some restructuring to allow for more showing, rather than telling. 
• Historical inaccuracies: Of course these will have to go. I mean, what was I thinking??
• Excessive characters: I do believe that removal of names would go a LONG way in clearing up some confusion on this one. I'll try that and see what happens. 

So that about sums up my initial thoughts on the simple read-through I did. Next step, edit out the redundancies, inaccuracies, passivity, and prologue. 

Thoughts? 

To Prologue or Not to Prologue

That is the question. 

I vaguely recall reading somewhere that you should never start a book with a prologue. As far as writing tips go, it's one of the worst I've ever heard. Many stories really work with a prologue. Some don't, true, but many do.

Just as every writer is different, so is every story. Write what's best for that story, not what some blowhard thinks is best because they believe they're some kind of writing expert. (For the record, I don't remember who said it, and I honestly don't care.) 

OK, rant over. Sorry about that. 

As it stands, Heartless has a prologue. It takes place more than 20 years before the bulk of the story. It tells us why Hart's a jerk and lets the reader easily forgive most of his bad behavior while reading the rest of the book.

My problem? I'm not sure I really want to let the reader have that excuse so early on. Wouldn't it make for a better "mystery" (so to speak) if the reader doesn't know up front why Hart's such an a$$?

This is the only major change I'm considering. And it might end up that I leave it in. I'm not entirely sure. I do know that some readers do not care for the opening line. ("You lying b****!" is a bit of a slap in the face just starting out in a story. Though hubby's pronouncement was, "Best opening line EVER!" Men.)

Any thoughts, lovers of all things Heartless?

The Heartless Duke makes an unscheduled appearance!

That's right! Hart was spotted in a recent installment of My Lady Coward. He behaved just as badly as anyone could expect (or hope). 

You'd think a lady would be safe driving in the park (the public park!!) with a gentleman. Unfortunately, Maria discounted the rumors surrounding the Duke of Derringer, somehow forgetting that rumors are often based in truth. 

This short story takes place several years before Derringer's marriage. Perhaps that's why he's such a... well. Won't you pop over and see how Maria handles herself with the heartless lord? The image here is linked to the story and there's another image at the top of this blog's right-hand sidebar. That will get you there as well. 

~Character Intros~ Our...Hero?

The Duke of Derringer first makes his appearance in Deception.* As one of a group of young men who've known each other since Eton, he is the one who is capable of almost anything. He does only that which benefits himself; rarely does he think of others. He is ruthless and dangerous, earning the moniker Lord Heartless.

As far as physical appearance goes, he is tall and dark with overly long hair and a morbid habit of dressing all in black. This alone may not make him stand out too much, as Regency evening dress was often black. However, his cravats, gloves, linen—all of which are usually light colored—are also black. All his animals are black as are his carriages. 

Heartless tells the story of this man, a man whose past is wrapped in mystery, deceit, murder, and intrigue. From an early age, he learned to listen, calculate, and use everything to his personal advantage.

The rumor mill thrives on the tales of his heartless exploits, tales of murder, duels, mistresses, and anything else anyone could possibly blame on him. But rumors are often wrong, even if based in truth. A dangerous reputation, however, comes with certain advantages, advantages that Derringer is more than willing to use.

After a brief glimpse into Derringer's unfortunate childhood, our tale opens with a meeting between the heartless duke and his solicitor.** It is there that he learns he will lose his money unless he marries within five days.***

In his determination to marry the first—maybe the second—woman he meets, Leandra Harcourt makes his acquaintance.

*Available now from TreasureLine Publishing.
**Click EXCERPT at the top of the page to read this particular scene.
***I took a couple liberties with this part of the story. OK, not exactly liberties. I misunderstood all the details of the special license. In Regency England, a special license could only be obtained from the Archbishop of Canterbury, located in Doctor's Commons, London. The waiting period was typically seven days. Even Lord Byron had to wait seven days. In reality, duke or not, Derringer would have had to wait seven days also.