Heartless Revamp Step 1 : Read Through ~ DONE ~

So I did it. I read Heartless cover-to-cover. And with no tears shed, though I think that had everything to do with my determination not to shed a tear. Funny how when you read a book objectively, emotion takes a backseat, and the whole reading experience is far less enjoyable.

Before you read further, please be assured that I value each and every one of my fans, followers, and readers. I love that you love this book and love the other things I write. Please do not take what I am about to say as an insult to you or your opinion. I am in no way denigrating your views on this work. As is often the case with authors, we are our own worst critics. This can be a good thing.  

My thoughts? Needs a little work. The issues:

• I think the prologue gives too much away right up front, taking away from the natural question as to WHY the hero acts the way he does. 
• I think the passive voice is a tad overdone. 
• There are words and phrases that weren't used at the time. For example, Hart mentions he's "working with a deadline." The word DEADLINE didn't come into use until the American Civil War and it referred to the "do-not-cross" line in war prisons. Deadline in the sense of a "time limit" was newspaper jargon that came into use in the early 1920s. Then there's the use of handicapped in reference to people with disabilities. Yeah, the word existed then but not in that sense. There were a few more but I think I made my point. 
• There is an excessive amount of characters. Servants, family members, friends, all named and given a few lines each. Sheesh.

I think these flaws are easily overlooked in the natural draw to the main characters. I totally agree that I CAN write characters. Dang.

Possible "fixes":

• Prologue: Do I really want readers to forgive Hart for everything before they actually get to know him? I don't think I do. I think I want them to start out hating him a little, getting to know him as the story goes on, and then realizing he's severely warped for good reason. 
• Passive voice: This is one of those "little changes" I mentioned in a previous post. Some sentences will get some restructuring to allow for more showing, rather than telling. 
• Historical inaccuracies: Of course these will have to go. I mean, what was I thinking??
• Excessive characters: I do believe that removal of names would go a LONG way in clearing up some confusion on this one. I'll try that and see what happens. 

So that about sums up my initial thoughts on the simple read-through I did. Next step, edit out the redundancies, inaccuracies, passivity, and prologue. 

Thoughts?